The bullying that 34-year-old Lisa Kemmerer experienced during her growing-up years was all too typical. And while it's been over 20 years since she was tormented by a group of girls at her elementary school in rural Washington, the memories remain painfully fresh.

"They made fun of the way I dressed," she says. "They made fun of the way I acted. Whatever I did, it wasn't right."

The bullying and taunting that Kemmerer experienced during her growing-up years is all too common. While studies have shown that girls are less likely to be bullies than boys, what they lack in numbers, they more than make up in ferocity.

According to Patricia O'Reilly, a professor of education at the University of Cincinnati, it's not at all usual for girls between the ages of 10 and 16 to isolate and torment a hand-picked victim. "Society gives boys permission to be more physical," she says. "Girls work out power differences in different ways."

Richard Hazler, a professor of counseling at Ohio University, argues that boys and girls use different methods of bullying--particularly as they enter the tumultuous adolescent years. "As they approach their teenage years, girls begin recognizing that they are losing the physical equality that they had with males as young children," he says. "Using physical strength to get their way no longer has the potential that it did in the past. At the same time, they recognize the increasing emotional superiority they are acquiring through verbal and social means. Most female bullies realize that they need to emphasize these newfound advantages by using social isolation, verbal harassment and social, physical and sexual innuendo to get their way."

What's more, says Hazler, the importance of friendship in the lives of young girls--as compared to young boys--increases the likelihood that bullying by girls will take the form of verbal and social attacks.

Because girls tend to place a much higher value on social relationships than their male classmates do, it's not surprising that they use the withdrawal of social acceptance as a weapon against other girls. "Girls have a much higher need for social affiliation," says John Hoover, an associate professor of education at the University of North Dakota. "That's why they rely so highly upon social ostracism in their bullying."

This is not to say that girls never come to blows, however. "We're seeing a lot more physical bullying amongst girls today than there was 20 years ago," Hoover says. One of the key variables in determining how likely a girl is to use physical violence while she is bullying, he adds, is the type of friends she has. "Female bullies will use physical violence when they have a group that supports them."

Regardless of how a particular episode of bullying begins, once it begins, it's likely to continue for a substantial period of time. By the time that it finally ends, the psychological fallout for the victim can be nothing short of devastating.

"Girls who have been bullied are affected very strongly by self-hatred," says Hoover. "They're more likely to be depressed and to exhibit poor self-esteem."

The problem is that many times parents and teachers are unaware of what is happening to the victim. "While this type of bullying can be every bit as damaging to a child's self-esteem as physical abuse, it's often hard for parents and teachers to spot this type of bullying and intervene," says Judith Bernstein, a Brandeis University graduate student who is currently researching the bullying phenomenon.

The key to promoting healthy relationships amongst young girls is to eliminate incidents of bullying before or as they occur. According to Hoover, school administrators must both take a clear stand against bullying and create a school community that fosters empathy. Empathy can be promoted by having students engage in role-playing, read works of fiction that depict incidents of bullying, or watch sitcoms with an eye to identifying the cruel putdowns that all too often pass as humour.

The only good news about bullying is that it doesn't last forever. Eventually both bullies and their victims grow up and go their separate ways.

Unfortunately, the effects of bullying tend to cast their shadow into adulthood. "Even though I am now 34, those grade school and junior high experiences remain critical to who I am today," says Lisa Kemmerer. "They were very damaging. I continue to experience low self-esteem, and I'm still angry that this was allowed to happen to me.

"The only good thing I can say about the whole situation is that I emerged from this experience a more sensitive, caring and compassionate person. I will not allow anyone to pick on anyone else, to victimize them as I myself was victimized."

Ann Douglas is the author of several books, including THE UNOFFICIAL GUIDE TO CHILDCARE AND BABY SCIENCE: HOW BABIES REALLY WORK, which was a Book of the Month Club selection.